Ladies Lounge

[gkaytaz]

Sorry I thought it was you who sent me the recipe for Vodka and Red Bull Christmas cake... my bad...

A good port with some dark chocolate or brownie would be a fine indulgence

[GhoGho]

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer's personality on what drinks they ordered?
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

If Women Drink.

Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the a#%.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.

Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......


IF MEN DRINK... (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

Cider
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

Cheap Domestic Beer
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

Castle Lager Beer
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Guinness
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

Water
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid

Wine
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

Vodka or Brandy
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

Port
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

Whisky
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

Jack Daniels
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

Rum or Tequila
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change



barman bring me beer please, whatever is coldest.

[Julian Mayo]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

[jacfan]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

Hey I thought you were getting some...
or is that short plaster covering something else???? Say not a wrist ... not an arm... hmmmmm Something a bit lower down perhaps???

[jacfan]

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

That one is very true from the people I know.
I had a friend give me a bottle of Mudshake... she loves it.... I ended up tipping it out..it was disgusting!!!

[Julian Mayo]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

Hey I thought you were getting some...
or is that short plaster covering something else???? Say not a wrist ... not an arm... hmmmmm Something a bit lower down perhaps???

Its a casual arrangement

[gkaytaz]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

Beer... Domestic, lager or import?

[gkaytaz]

Hey I thought you were getting some...
or is that short plaster covering something else???? Say not a wrist ... not an arm... hmmmmm Something a bit lower down perhaps???

Umm... a foot perhaps? Or a toe?

[gkaytaz]

Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

That one is very true from the people I know.
I had a friend give me a bottle of Mudshake... she loves it.... I ended up tipping it out..it was disgusting!!!

Unfortunately I too know a couple of women fitting that description pretty well. Snobbish to the extreme, without knowing what a real snob should be like

[Julian Mayo]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

Beer... Domestic, lager or import?

Melbourne bitter of course

[gkaytaz]

I will have a beer, followed by a JD,........if I am still here after that, a brandy.........

Beer... Domestic, lager or import?

Melbourne bitter of course

Okay, you like good beer and... well, we have already established the latter part

[Julian Mayo]

Beer... Domestic, lager or import?

Melbourne bitter of course

Okay, you like good beer and... well, we have already established the latter part

Yup, fetch me a tart, I have an appetite

[jacfan]

Barkeep quick... clean up and get those drinks ready.... Ed is on his way over and he has won a prize. Have we got any of those yummy macadamias left??? or has gkay eaten them all?
Ok bring out the shortbread... the club sangers... and some of the mini pavlovas with strawberries. Ed might like a couple of those too.

[jacfan]

Oh and a bowl of fresh strawberries for Ed.

[jacfan]

A hot chocolate for me while I wait for Ed to turn up...