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mlittle
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Post by mlittle » Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:06 am

You Might Be In EMS If...


* You find humor in other people's stupidity
* You believe than 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm
* Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
* Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you sit down to eat
* You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicer restaurants.
* You plan your dinner break while lavaging an overdose patient
* Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers
* You believe chocolate is a food group
* You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group
* You believe a good tape job will fix anything
* You have the bladder capacity of five people
* You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio
* Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
* You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac
* You firmly believe that if Dilantin, Haldol, Noranyl, and Narcan were put in the water instead of fluoride, dentists might be busier, but EMS would grind to a halt
* You have your weekends off planned in advance
* You automatically assume the patient is a drug seeker when presented with a complaint of: migraine; lower back pain; chronic myalgia; and a list of numerous allergies to meds (except Demerol); the statement that the family doctor is from out of town.
* Your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint
* You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

mlittle
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Post by mlittle » Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:35 am

The New Corvette



He got his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him, blue lights
flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the Trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.
Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8) :lol:
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

mlittle
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Post by mlittle » Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:37 am

Dear Tide,



I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am almost forty and with kids, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through pre-menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

mlittle
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Post by mlittle » Fri Aug 13, 2010 9:57 am

Image

And you thought zombies weren't intelligent?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :shock: :shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: :shock: :shock: :lol:
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

mlittle
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Post by mlittle » Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:59 pm

You know, they just don't make insults the way they used to................




"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

mlittle
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Posts: 11205
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Post by mlittle » Fri Oct 29, 2010 1:00 pm

If you're going to have a senior moment, make it a memorable one...........


Image
The Sci-Fi Station Come by and visit when you get the chance. :)
The Wayward Tarheel I'm even in the blogosphere.... :shock:

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