Jokes

rah · Post by **rah** » Fri Dec 23, 2005 12:26 pm

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Bundy · Post by **Bundy** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:09 pm

An upset woman storms into the golf pro shop and says to the clerk, "I was just golfing on your course and I was stung by a bee right in between the first and second holes. What do you suggest I do?" The clerk says, "Well for starters lady I'd suggest you narrow your stance a bit."

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 2:16 am

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 2:34 am

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Snowy · Post by **Snowy** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:21 am

I post therefore I am

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 7:41 am

Super Aguri

Snowy · Post by **Snowy** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 8:16 am

Refueling

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 8:17 am

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 8:23 am

I'll take two...

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 8:25 am

[quote="<T-K>"]I'll take two...[/quote

1 per customer

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:10 am

Julian Mayo wrote:
<T-K> wrote:I'll take two...

1 per customer

I'll pay extra

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:15 am

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:30 am

Snowy · Post by **Snowy** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:36 am

Do always get that response when you mention Max?

<T-K> · Post by **<T-K>** » Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:37 am

Snowy wrote:Do always get that response when you mention Max?

yup