News On F1 Forums - Talk Formula 1

Ever read the newspaper or watch something on TV about some bright, criminal "genius" who does something really, really, dumb and gets caught by the authorities later......yeah, those geniuses. Here is a place to post any and all jokes or ancedotes about those....geniuses.

Here's one that I read just recently over on MSNBC.com.....

This one bright criminal in Tampa, Fla., had just bought some drugs and he didn't really know whether they were real or not. So, he walks over to two uniformed police officers and, as the title of the AP story read, "Officer, is this really crack I bought?" Unfortunately for the person, it was......and he was promptly arrested by the two officers. It gets better, though......according to the article, jail records in the Tampa/St. Pete area show the accused worked......as a security officer at MacDill Air Force Base.

Driver was being chased by the cops for failing to stop at a MobileBreath testing station. He raced around a corner, into a driveway, leapt out, and wrenched the lawnmower from the startled home owner. He was mowing the lawn when the cops sped past. The home owner, a large gentleman, insisted he finish the lawn, then arrested him for "evade police", and "trespass". Yup, he was an off duty cop.

The picture says it all

This one involves 2 elements.....dumb criminals.....and Sir Issac Newton(more on Newton later )

A couple of years ago two intrepid criminals tried to rob a grocery store in Portland, Oregon...or to be more precise, the several-ton safe the store had. What happened was that they drove their 4WD truck through the front of the store, hooked up some high-strength chains to the safe's hinges, and then proceeded to drive away w/the safe. About two miles down the road, they slowed for a red light, oblivious to the safe they were towing......and the Oregon State Police vehicle in the next lane. Now, remember one of Newton's laws of gravity, the one about objects in motion will REMAIN in motion until acted upon by another.......yeah, that one!

To make a long story short......the safe they were towing hit the back of the cruiser, and the two dumb criminals who took the safe....well, they're spending a few years away as guests of the state of Oregon.

These people should not be allowed to venture out into society...

~Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

~A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

~A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

~The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

~A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

~Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

~A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

~Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

~When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

~A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop

<T-K> wrote:These people should not be allowed to venture out into society...

~Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

~A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

~A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

~The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

~A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

~Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

~A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

~Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

~When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

~A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop

Neither should these people.............

--back in April, Glasgow, Ky. police arrested a 26yo man for robbing a neighborhood market....it didn't take long for them to do so, for the guy came back to the market to fill up his car's gas tank just a few minutes later

--a couple of years ago, a Philadelphia man robbed a bank; as he was doing so, he started putting the pilfered money into every pants pocket he could find, including......yeah, there too. Unfortunately, one of the packets of money contained a explosive dye-pack, which the man had placed.....yeah, there. It wasn't hard for police to catch him; they just followed the spent dye from that dye-pack to a local bar, where the man was crying over a beer(and holding some icepacks......yeah, there)

A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying.
The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said.

According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.

"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.

However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.

Police arrested the man for illegal possession of a weapon.

"He didn't brandish the knife at anyone ... but he injured himself in the leg," the police spokesman said.

jacfan wrote:A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying.
The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said.

According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.

"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.

However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.

Police arrested the man for illegal possession of a weapon.

"He didn't brandish the knife at anyone ... but he injured himself in the leg," the police spokesman said.

Sounds like something I would do......

<T-K> wrote:

jacfan wrote:A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying.
The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said.

According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.

"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.

However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.

Police arrested the man for illegal possession of a weapon.

"He didn't brandish the knife at anyone ... but he injured himself in the leg," the police spokesman said.

Sounds like something I would do......

.................................... ............yes it does

How's this for criminal genius...........

Police arrested two burglars in a Minneapolis surburb for stealing $30 worth of Skittles and Starburst candies, after finding a very incriminating piece of evidence......the cell phone of one of the burglars. Apparently, during the course of the burglary, one of the two would-be thieves left his cell phone at the scene, then called himself from another phone, leaving his name on the cell phone's voice mail. When police found the man's cell phone, they called him, offering to return the man's cell phone to him. When the man went to get his cell phone, police arrested him and then his cohort in crime, who was trying to eat the evidence.

Police found 20 bags of Skittles and 20 bags of Starburst at the cohort's house; damage to the concession stand that they broke into, though, was over $1,000. Just think about it for a moment.....these geniuses broke into a concession stand, causing over $1,000 in damage, for what, $30 some dollars in candy.

" The Munchies" has been the death of many a poor boy, don't go out tonight, there is a bad moon rising

Ummm speaking of "the munchies"..........

I?m sure ?chewing on a police car? is some kind of crime, but it?s just one of those crimes you don?t think any ?sane? human being would committ like defrauding a llama out of his retirement investments or impersonating a midget.

BERLIN (Reuters) - A man resisting an order to leave his home became so angry he bit the police car he was being pinned against, German authorities said on Wednesday.

Police tried to eject the 42-year-old man, of Russian origin, after a report of domestic violence. He became aggressive and officers pinned him face down on the bonnet of their patrol car and he began chewing its police markings.

?He was so angry he gnawed at the bonnet and bit through the paintwork,? said a police spokesman in the western city of Bielefeld. ?Who knows, perhaps he was hungry too.?

The bonnet would need its markings replacing and a new coat of paint, the spokesman said.

The guy was chewing on a squad car. Not that I?m defending this guy, but what crime did he commit?other than ruining his appetite before dinner?

Part of me wants to put a ?drugs? tab on this because only someone who?s super stoned would look at a car and think, ?Mmmmm, Daddy wants a slice.?

Naturally, Hollywood wants to make a big screen remake of this guy?s story. Proposed titles include ?Bite Club,? ?Gnaw the King?s Men? and ?That Thing You Chewed!?.

[/quote]

Or if his name was Paris ?

I think the cars ate Paris not vice versa.

jacfan wrote:I think the cars ate Paris not vice versa.

Revenge of Paris...........No ?