The Darwin Awards..........

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:32 pm

Back during Christmas, one of the more interesting presents I got was a book entitled, The Darwin Awards, which contains dozens of stories and tales about people who, through their own actions...........managed to cull themselves from the gene pool, if you know what I mean.......

I mean, we all know that instinctive feeling that comes up whenever somebody says, "Trust me; light this fuse!" (as in, a recipe for, um....disaster.

) Well, those who manage to win a Darwin Award.......they never got that memo! I mean, in all seriousness, no warning labels could've ever kept some geniuses from, say, filling up their homes with natural gas in order to kill termites, or kept one winner from trying to weld a hand grenade to a chain, or prevented those geniuses who thought it practical to weld an acetylene tank....to a steel roof!

There are other examples of how people, oblivious to the occasional dangers of the modern world, have managed to win a Darwin Award, like the person who just couldn't wait to have a smoke, so she decided to get off of a bus.......while the bus is going at 60 mph!; or the bright genius who shot himself whilst demonstrating to his son the benefits of gun safety, or the camper who, having run out of space in his vehicle while packing for a camping trip, decided to put a propane tank in the engine compartment of his car!!

If anyone has a Darwin Award story to tell, feel free to post 'em here on this thread...........

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:48 pm

Criteria for a Darwin Award...........

There are several criteria for determining whether someone has truly earned a Darwin Award......

~~Reproductive Dead End.......the individual must, through their own actions, remove themselves from the collective gene pool, either by assuming room temperature or at least being incapable of reproducing themselves

~~Excellence.........the individual must show an exceeding misapplication of judgment in performing said act. Now, this doesn't include common acts of idiocy, but those so overwhelming that we shake our heads and thank ourselves that we won't have to deal with their descendants.

~~Self-selection........the individual must be the cause of their own demise, not a random victim, meaning that, if, for instance, a falling tree hits you, you're not eligible.....but if you, for instance, chain a tree to your pickup, pulling the tree onto yourself, then you're a candidate for a Darwin Award.

~~Maturity.........the individual must be of sound mind and body......then again, if you think about it, if they were, would they've won a Darwin Award?

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:05 am

If a Golden Orb Weaver (spider) is stringing his High Net in an inappropriate place.........IE......head high........he may often be dissuaded by a strong exhalation of breath upon his body.......given the feeling that it is spinning in an area to prone to strong winds the Golden Orb Weaver will relocate.
The same technique does not apply to wild elephants.

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:10 am

Julian Mayo wrote:If a Golden Orb Weaver (spider) is stringing his High Net in an inappropriate place.........IE......head high........he may often be dissuaded by a strong exhalation of breath upon his body.......given the feeling that it is spinning in an area to prone to strong winds the Golden Orb Weaver will relocate.
The same technique does not apply to wild elephants.

I did not know that.

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:10 am

A friend sends me "the Darwin Awards" via email every year but I delete them after reading them.

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:21 am

Here is one I found...

(17 April 2006, England) There's always someone who thinks good advice doesn't apply to him. For example, if a doctor advises that the one thing you must not do is go near a flame, as you are going to be covered wtih a flammable material, most people would take this advice onboard, and not strike a match until the flammable material has been removed.

However, Phillip, 60, knew better than his doctor. Philip was in the hospital to treat a skin disease, said treatment consisting of being smeared in paraffin-based cream. Philip was warned that the cream would ignite, so he definitely should NOT smoke. But he just couldn't live without that cigarette."

Smoking was not permitted anywhere on the ward, but Phillip took this setback in stride, and sneaked out onto a fire escape. Once he was hidden, he lit up... inhaled... and peace descended as he got his nicotine fix. Things went downhill only after he finished his cigarette, at the moment he ground out the butt with his heel.

The paraffin cream had been absorbed by his clothing. As his heel touched the butt, fumes from his pyjamas ignited. The resulting inferno "cremated" his skin condition, and left first-degree burns on much of his body. Despite excellent treatment, he died in intensive care.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:11 am

There was a policeman.....played russian roulette with a semi-automatic pistol........true story

I

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 2:24 am

While training with the NSW Police some time ago, we were subjected to an intensive pre-familiarisation test (paper exam) on the Glock 40.cal S&W, which was about to become the standard side-arm. Part of the weapon is referred to as the "battery".....we finally got our sticky little fingerts on the thing......had 20 hours of Dry Fire practice over 3 days, including complete disassembly....reasembly......then......"do it blindfolded".....etc then headed for the range. We were mustered into a single rank, and live ammunition was issued, in the form of 4 "clips".....the person immediately to my left said to the RangeMaster........."I still don't know where the Battery goes in this thing"
.........I excused myself from the exercise on the grounds that my bowels had just turned to water

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:44 am

Exploding Ex-Tortionist...........

This story took place in Phnom Penh, Cambodia back in 2003......A former military policeman named Khim, a/k/a "The Big Giant" had a habit of robbing drug dealers by threatening them with a hand grenade. During one instance, however, "The Big Giant" became a really, really smaller man.

He arrived at the home of a Phnom Penh drug dealer, hand grenade in tow, in order to extort money(...and drugs.....

) from the individual. What he would do is pull the pin on the grenade, holding it tightly in his hand and threaten the dealer with it. Unfortunately for our Darwin Award winner, after taking the dealer's stash of drugs and cash, he put the grenade in his pocket......however, he forgot to put the pin back in the grenade first.

After a few moments..........BOOM! There goes "The Big Giant".......

Whether the drug dealer ever recovered his cash(and in what condition.......) is unknown.

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:18 am

This Week's Darwin Awards Winners................................

From the "hey, let's cull ourselves from the genetic gene pool" files.................

~~A burgler was killed while attempting to break into the Maranatha Used Clothing store in Miami, Fla. back in May; authorities said that the man had attempted to enter through a ventilation duct containing a large fan-blade......in the process of traveling through it, however, he managed to somehow turn the fan on.........

Let me guess........that red stuff dripping down from the ceiling fan's not hydraulic fluid?

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:55 am

Took a short cut thru the legal system, huh?

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:51 am

mlittle wrote:This Week's Darwin Awards Winners................................

From the "hey, let's cull ourselves from the genetic gene pool" files.................

~~A burgler was killed while attempting to break into the Maranatha Used Clothing store in Miami, Fla. back in May; authorities said that the man had attempted to enter through a ventilation duct containing a large fan-blade......in the process of traveling through it, however, he managed to somehow turn the fan on.........

Let me guess........that red stuff dripping down from the ceiling fan's not hydraulic fluid?

A "cool" way to go

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:52 am

Julian Mayo wrote:Took a short cut thru the legal system, huh?

Like that guy. Saved major tax dollars.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:10 am

gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:Took a short cut thru the legal system, huh?
Like that guy. Saved major tax dollars.

Yup, like the guy a while back in( ....... )Australia, who leaped from his trapped, stolen vehicle, and let loose at pursuing police from with a 5.56 Auto.
We don't have American Style Shoot-Outs, because the journos in close contact at the time find a pressing need to be elsewhere. Gone are the days of The Police Roundsman.
The Press Reports dryly recorded that the
"suspect died of a gunshot wound to the head, after unleashing a volley of shots at Police"
............Hell, it took Forensics 20 hours to find a scrap of skull.

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:10 am

gkaytaz wrote:
mlittle wrote:This Week's Darwin Awards Winners................................

From the "hey, let's cull ourselves from the genetic gene pool" files.................

~~A burgler was killed while attempting to break into the Maranatha Used Clothing store in Miami, Fla. back in May; authorities said that the man had attempted to enter through a ventilation duct containing a large fan-blade......in the process of traveling through it, however, he managed to somehow turn the fan on.........

Let me guess........that red stuff dripping down from the ceiling fan's not hydraulic fluid?
A "cool" way to go