Dumb Quotes

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:18 pm

jacfan wrote:Dubya is a real treasure. Just wish he was a burried treasure.

Many a returned soldier would man a shovel

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:26 pm

Julian Mayo wrote:
jacfan wrote:Dubya is a real treasure. Just wish he was a burried treasure.
Many a returned soldier would man a shovel

More people than you can possibly imagine

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:36 pm

gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
jacfan wrote:Dubya is a real treasure. Just wish he was a burried treasure.
Many a returned soldier would man a shovel
More people than you can possibly imagine

No, I can imagine, the armies woul be lead by four horsemen

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:41 pm

Julian Mayo wrote:
gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
Many a returned soldier would man a shovel
More people than you can possibly imagine
No, I can imagine, the armies woul be lead by four horsemen

Ah four horsemen of the apocalypse

Your words made me think of Metallica.

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:42 pm

gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
gkaytaz wrote:
More people than you can possibly imagine
No, I can imagine, the armies woul be lead by four horsemen
Ah four horsemen of the apocalypse Your words made me think of Metallica.

They make me think of The Young Ones.... travel scrabble

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:48 pm

gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
gkaytaz wrote:
More people than you can possibly imagine
No, I can imagine, the armies woul be lead by four horsemen
Ah four horsemen of the apocalypse Your words made me think of Metallica.

you are a very sick man. Here we are, discussing the idiots leading the world into extinction, and you suddenly think of a second rate musical group.

What colour is the White House ?

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:54 pm

Julian Mayo wrote: you are a very sick man. Here we are, discussing the idiots leading the world into extinction, and you suddenly think of a second rate musical group. What colour is the White House ?

You are entitled to your opinion. Then again I doubt that a thread called "dumb quotes" is the proper place to discuss the future of the world

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:56 pm

gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote: you are a very sick man. Here we are, discussing the idiots leading the world into extinction, and you suddenly think of a second rate musical group. What colour is the White House ?
You are entitled to your opinion. Then again I doubt that a thread called "dumb quotes" is the proper place to discuss the future of the world

Entirely apt, I would think

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:44 am

Julian Mayo wrote:
gkaytaz wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
No, I can imagine, the armies woul be lead by four horsemen
Ah four horsemen of the apocalypse Your words made me think of Metallica.
you are a very sick man. Here we are, discussing the idiots leading the world into extinction, and you suddenly think of a second rate musical group. What colour is the White House ?

Metallica's a second-rate musical group??

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:51 am

mlittle wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:
gkaytaz wrote:
Ah four horsemen of the apocalypse Your words made me think of Metallica.
you are a very sick man. Here we are, discussing the idiots leading the world into extinction, and you suddenly think of a second rate musical group. What colour is the White House ?

Metallica's a second-rate musical group??

compared to Flora Brown and the Brownettes at my local pub. Phwaw!

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 12:52 pm

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of bi rth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it t erminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

A TTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,

nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

gkaytaz · Post by **gkaytaz** » Sat Dec 02, 2006 8:44 pm

jacfan wrote:These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

Good thing I ain't one cuz some of these are hysterical

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:43 pm

Insurance Statements............

Actual quotes on auto insurance claim forms.......

~~Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided into a tree I don't have.

~~I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

~~A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

~~I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my ex-wife and drove off the embankment.

~~I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

~~My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

~~The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

~~I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the windshield of my car.

~~An invisible car came out of nowhere, hit my car and vanished.

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:57 pm

Insurance Statements............

Actual quotes on auto insurance claim forms.......

~~Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided into a tree I don't have. ~ totally understandable

~~I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. ~ you shouldn't think and drive

~~A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. ~ bad pedestrian

~~I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my ex-wife and drove off the embankment. ~ Yes understandable but next time hit the ex!!

~~I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. ~ Man that is one long trip!!!

~~My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

~~The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him. ~ Yes that should teach him to think quicker.

~~I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the windshield of my car. ~ I hope he didn't break it.

~~An invisible car came out of nowhere, hit my car and vanished. ~ I hate it when that happens...

mlittle · Post by **mlittle** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 12:13 pm

Leave it to Formula 1's Bernie Ecclestone to give us another dumb, dumb quote.........Ecclestone, after hearing reports that the Albert Park venue was "empty" on Thursday, replied to a reporter from Southern Cross Broadcasting that that was "crazy", continuing with "There's no other circuit in the world that gets 45,000 people on a Thursday."

There's just one problem with that, Bernie........apparently, he has never been to the Champ Car race at Surfers Paradise; they've gotten roughly the same amount on Thursdays' as well.