Jokes

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:16 pm

Then there was the fella heading across the horse paddock with a box under his arm. He was heard muttering....."gee up. Whoa back"

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:21 pm

Julian Mayo wrote:Then there was the fella heading across the horse paddock with a box under his arm. He was heard muttering....."gee up. Whoa back"

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:29 pm

jacfan wrote:
Julian Mayo wrote:Then there was the fella heading across the horse paddock with a box under his arm. He was heard muttering....."gee up. Whoa back"

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 4:46 pm

The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-
old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks
she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get
some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take
him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave
him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the
only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to
get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep."

"How marvelous," the old man said.

"Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to
work three times before you die."

On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live
through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one
trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied,
he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled
with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow
Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the
car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep."

Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to
"speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for
his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask
questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught
up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and
hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,
"beep," and he was UP.

He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,,
"What's all this "beep beep" s#$%?"

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:36 am

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:47 am

jacfan wrote:

That student is born to be a cop

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:49 am

Well it only asked you to find "x" so I guess that is the correct answer.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Fri Sep 01, 2006 11:53 am

Yup, the guy is a 'Sherlock Holmes'

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Thu Sep 07, 2006 3:31 pm

Duck
A duck walks into a pub and says to the barman:

"Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any f***king bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf, we haven't got any f***king bread, ask me
again and I'll nail your f***king beak to the bar you irritating b***ard bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?".......

GhoGho · Post by **GhoGho** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 5:59 am

no offence intended:

Spot the Gay Guy (joke!)

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i64/p ... Alonso.jpg

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 9:25 am

There are guys ???

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Sun Sep 10, 2006 2:01 pm

GhoGho wrote:no offence intended:

Spot the Gay Guy (joke!)

http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i64/p ... Alonso.jpg

Interesting photo.... Alonso making no secret of his fascination!!!!

Might be wondering if they are real.... and how soon can he find out!

jacfan · Post by **jacfan** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:20 pm

Women's Bum Size Study

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their bums.

I thought the results were very interesting.

85% of women think their bum is too fat...

10% of women think their bum is too skinny.

The other 5% say they don't care, they love him, He's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:47 pm

One day a man came home to find his wife dressed in a very sexy outfit, and swing ing a pair of handcuffs
"Tie me up" she purred, "and you can do anything you want"
So he tied her up n went fishing.

Julian Mayo · Post by **Julian Mayo** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:53 pm

Fifty seven years ago, a man from South Carolina joined the Army.
On the first day the Army issued him with a comb, then the Army barber cut off all his hair.
On the second day, the Army issued him with a toothbrush, then the Army dentist yanked 7 of his teeth.
On the third day the Army issued him with a jockstrap.
The Army has been looking for that man for 57 years.

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