Julian Mayo wrote:Fifty seven years ago, a man from South Carolina joined the Army.
On the first day the Army issued him with a comb, then the Army barber cut off all his hair.
On the second day, the Army issued him with a toothbrush, then the Army dentist yanked 7 of his teeth.
On the third day the Army issued him with a jockstrap.
The Army has been looking for that man for 57 years.
You are in fine form today my friend.
jacfan wrote:Julian Mayo wrote:Fifty seven years ago, a man from South Carolina joined the Army.
On the first day the Army issued him with a comb, then the Army barber cut off all his hair.
On the second day, the Army issued him with a toothbrush, then the Army dentist yanked 7 of his teeth.
On the third day the Army issued him with a jockstrap.
The Army has been looking for that man for 57 years.
jacfan wrote:one just for Julian
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.
There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question ncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"
How very true!!!mlittle wrote:From Wednesday night's Late Show with David Letterman.........the top ten things never before said by a NASCAR driver, courtesy of the ten contenders for the Nextel Cup this year......
10}Kasey Kahne, Evernham Mtrspts........"Anybody know how to drive a stick?"
9}Jeff Gordon, Hendrick Mtrspts.............."Does this gas taste funny to you?"
8}Jeff Burton, Richard Childress Racing...."I don't really car much for country music or beer."
7}Mark Martin, Roush Racing..................."Switch the 'r' and 'c' in racing and you get caring.
6}Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Dale Earnhardt Inc..."Wow....Letterman looks so young in person."
5}Denny Hamlin, Joe Gibbs Racing............"You're looking at a guy who can drive 500 miles without taking a leak."
4}Kyle Busch, Hendrick Mtrspts................."A truly great driver doesn't mind asking for directions....am I right, ladies?"
3}Kevin Harvick, Richard Childress Racing...."It would be nice if the guys in the pits would surprise me occasionally with a piece of carrot cake or something."
2}Jimmie Johnson, Hendrick Mtrpsts............"The Nextel Cup is great....but what I'm really excited for is the 'Late Show' Ventriloquist Week."
1}Matt Kenseth, Roush Racing....................."If you think I'm fast in my car....you should see me in the bedroom."
You know Matt Kenseth that welljacfan wrote:How very true!!!mlittle wrote:From Wednesday night's Late Show with David Letterman.........the top ten things never before said by a NASCAR driver, courtesy of the ten contenders for the Nextel Cup this year......
10}Kasey Kahne, Evernham Mtrspts........"Anybody know how to drive a stick?"
9}Jeff Gordon, Hendrick Mtrspts.............."Does this gas taste funny to you?"
8}Jeff Burton, Richard Childress Racing...."I don't really car much for country music or beer."
7}Mark Martin, Roush Racing..................."Switch the 'r' and 'c' in racing and you get caring.
6}Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Dale Earnhardt Inc..."Wow....Letterman looks so young in person."
5}Denny Hamlin, Joe Gibbs Racing............"You're looking at a guy who can drive 500 miles without taking a leak."
4}Kyle Busch, Hendrick Mtrspts................."A truly great driver doesn't mind asking for directions....am I right, ladies?"
3}Kevin Harvick, Richard Childress Racing...."It would be nice if the guys in the pits would surprise me occasionally with a piece of carrot cake or something."
2}Jimmie Johnson, Hendrick Mtrpsts............"The Nextel Cup is great....but what I'm really excited for is the 'Late Show' Ventriloquist Week."
1}Matt Kenseth, Roush Racing....................."If you think I'm fast in my car....you should see me in the bedroom."
Jacfan, you're on your own here......Julian Mayo wrote:You know Matt Kenseth that welljacfan wrote:How very true!!!mlittle wrote:From Wednesday night's Late Show with David Letterman.........the top ten things never before said by a NASCAR driver, courtesy of the ten contenders for the Nextel Cup this year......
10}Kasey Kahne, Evernham Mtrspts........"Anybody know how to drive a stick?"
9}Jeff Gordon, Hendrick Mtrspts.............."Does this gas taste funny to you?"
8}Jeff Burton, Richard Childress Racing...."I don't really car much for country music or beer."
7}Mark Martin, Roush Racing..................."Switch the 'r' and 'c' in racing and you get caring.
6}Dale Earnhardt, Jr., Dale Earnhardt Inc..."Wow....Letterman looks so young in person."
5}Denny Hamlin, Joe Gibbs Racing............"You're looking at a guy who can drive 500 miles without taking a leak."
4}Kyle Busch, Hendrick Mtrspts................."A truly great driver doesn't mind asking for directions....am I right, ladies?"
3}Kevin Harvick, Richard Childress Racing...."It would be nice if the guys in the pits would surprise me occasionally with a piece of carrot cake or something."
2}Jimmie Johnson, Hendrick Mtrpsts............"The Nextel Cup is great....but what I'm really excited for is the 'Late Show' Ventriloquist Week."
1}Matt Kenseth, Roush Racing....................."If you think I'm fast in my car....you should see me in the bedroom."
